Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize