chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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