in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
