3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
North Korea, Best Korea!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
