who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
