Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
