My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
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Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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