I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
