I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
