Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
