She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
