You're so nebulous sometimes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
