i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
