Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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