hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
