yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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