between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
