butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
