The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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