just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize