For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She bit a glass in half.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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