Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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