went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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