I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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