My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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