Already got asked if we're dating
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
