They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
