That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I intend to get homeless drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
