Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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