what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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