How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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