I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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