I am in a vortex of obligation.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
