I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
