Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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