I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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