So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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