I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i want to fuck
it's pretty self explanatory
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.