You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you