why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug