Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.