Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.