So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
