were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
