Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
