Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
