Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
