i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Welp...herpes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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