The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drake has all the answers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
