So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
