When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize