wrigley field is MILF paradise
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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