I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
