I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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