Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
