That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
