I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
