Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
