I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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