A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
