it was like eating out sand paper
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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