I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
