That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize