i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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