Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
