i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
