Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
