she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
