my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
