im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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