I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
