3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
