I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
