My nipple is on Facebook.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
