She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize