he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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