i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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