Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
