I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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