my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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