So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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