Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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