One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
