I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
