he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
