yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
