You're my little dorito
I cannot find my penis.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
